The Soft Food Diet

Despite the fact that I’m way too many years beyond the appropriate spring break age, I leave for Cancun in less than two weeks. I was hoping to lose a few pounds before I leave – nothing major, just some insurance weight so I can eat and drink whatever I want while I spend my vacation at a 5-star luxury all inclusive resort (hopefully, one that is out of reach for the college kids who will likely be swarming Cancun the same week). I was all set to cut back on alcohol, and take advantage of the lengthy list of things I gave up for Lent (fried food, chocolate, candy and ice cream).

And then something happened – namely, a massive toothache. I didn’t think much of it at first. Mostly because at first the pain wasn’t massive. It started as discomfort associated with a particular tooth that I’ve had a lot of problems with over the years. I tried my standard tricks – Sensodyne toothpaste, fluoride rinse etc. But the discomfort turned to pain, and by Monday morning I was in hell. Despite my best intentions, I couldn’t even consider going to work. (Seriously, I got up, showered, got dressed – I really intended to go to the office.) I called in sick, with the hope that my dentist would see me that day.

Fortunately, my dentist was able to fit me in. A few x-rays later, I learned that root canal I had 12 years ago was a complete waste of time and money because the bastard endodontist who did it didn’t completely fill in the root (not really sure what that means, but I saw the films, it makes sense), and the tooth was infected. I was in extreme pain – I couldn’t close my mouth and if anything even came close to my tooth I experienced searing pain.

My dentist assured me that I could wait to deal with this when I get back from Cancun, and sent me on my way with a prescription for antibiotics and assurance that I should start feeling some relief by nighttime. After getting the prescription filled, and stocking up on some fresh Advil (since the ibuprofen I had on hand expired 8 months ago), I went home and climbed into bed. I couldn’t even attempt to work from home. It was awful.

B showed up that night with a grocery bag full of soft foods – soups, oatmeal, bananas, and sorbet (which legally, is not considered ice cream). This was to be my diet until the pain goes away. Well, it doesn’t leave much room for variety, but it should certainly help me get ready for Mexico.

I didn’t feel at all better that night, and in fact, the pain was even worse the next morning. So, I called the endodontist I was referred to (not the hack who robbed me 12 years ago, but a new endodontist). Thank God – I was told to come in right away.

One emergency root canal later, I had a new prescription for a stronger antibiotic, and another one for vicodin. Yeah, baby.

I felt fantastic when I left the endodontist, so much so that I didn’t think I even needed the vicodin. Fifteen minutes later the Novocain wore off and I was in as much pain as I was before. Ouch. Thankfully I had the vicodin.

The soft food diet lasted for the rest of the week, accompanied by the bonus that the antibiotic made me feel so nauseous that I couldn’t eat much for the first couple of days other than yogurt. I consoled myself with the prospect that while this situation may not be good for the wannabe foodie in me, it was definitely good for my pre-Cancun preparations.

Yet, somehow I managed to gain 5 pounds. The one silver lining of extreme tooth pain, and it somehow managed to have the opposite effect. Totally unfair. At least I have vicodin.